Once again I am giving you the privilege of and blessing of giving me things this Christmas. You will leave my gifts just after midnight this year and not wait until my parents come home in the middle of the night the way you used to.
Please get me a decent trophy this year, look at how many the great Sir Alex has had over the years and even that useless bunch at Loserpoo managed to fluke the CL last year, while all we got was the useless reserve team cup.
I also need a 'get out of gaol free' card. This will help me sleep better at nights without having to worry about what might happen to money bags Roman.
I also want a large tub of happiness pills to keep all our overpaid, money grabbing, mercenaries from looking for a better deal elsewhere.
Please help fat Frank Lumpard to wear the trousers in his house and not to listen to that wife of his who wants him to get even more money in her home town and please help John Terry to keep his truosers on when he is in the back seat of his Bently.
Please give us some loyal supporters here at Chavski instead of this mixture of yobs and chavs who only started to support us when we were winning.
Please help Roman to buy Real and sell Chavski and get me the contract to manage Real at twice my current salary, after all that still would not represent my true worth and it is a lot warmer there.
I know that I am the best manager in the world and the finest person to ever step in this freezing cold country so I know that I thoroughly deserve all the things that I ask for so make sure that you do your job and get me ALL of these presents.