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A banjo player walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs
some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs
one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's
amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the banjo player, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The banjo player says "No, what?"
The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -
whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the banjo player, "he eats everything
in sight, the little bastard! Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and
stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's playing in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino
cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out,
and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up
his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did
you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the banjo player.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled
it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the banjo player. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he
measures everything first."