DO POP IN PUB. ALL ARE WELCOME

Sung to the tune of 'Mac na Mara's band'
Some of the words are toned down for public use.

Oh when i came home on a saturday night,
As drunk as a chump can be,
I see a hat upon the rack,
where my hat used to be,
Oh upon my life I said to my wife,
Whatever can it be,
To see a hat upon the rack,
Where my hat used to be.

She said, your drunk yer chump, silly old chump,
You're drunk as a chump can be,
Its only a saucepan lid,
The neighbours lent to me.

In all me years of travel,
A million miles or more,
Ive never seen a saucepan lid,
With a hatband on before.

Second Verse,

Oh when i came home on a saturday night,
As drunk as a chump can be,
I see a leg upon the bed,
where my leg ought to be,
Oh upon my life I said to my wife,
Whatever can it be,
To see a leg upon the bed,
Where my leg used to be.

She said, your drunk yer chump, silly old chump,
You're drunk as a chump can be,
Its only a rolling pin,
The neighbours lent to me.

In all me years of travel,
A million miles or more,
Ive never seen a rolling pin,
With a bungyon on before.

Third Verse,

Oh when i came home on a saturday night,
As drunk as a chump can be,
I see a head upon the bed,
where my head ought to be,
Oh upon my life I said to my wife,
Whatever can it be,
To see a head upon the bed,
Where my head used to be.

She said, your drunk yer chump, silly old chump,
You're drunk as a chump can be,
Its only a baby,
The neighbours lent to me.

In all me years of travel,
A million miles or more,
Ive never seen a baby,
With a moustache on before.


Final Verse,

Oh when i came home on a saturday night,
As drunk as a chump can be,
I see a thing within the thing,
where my thing ought to be,
Oh upon my life I said to my wife,
Whatever can it be,
To see a thing within the thing,
Where my thing ought to be.

She said, your drunk yer chump, silly old chump,
You're drunk as a chump can be,
Its only a carrot,
The neighbours lent to me.

In all me years of travel,
A million miles or more,
Ive never seen a carrot,
With a 4 skin on before.